Words have the power to heal or hurt. Hurtful words can be emotionally degenerating. The irony is when such words are uttered by people we love, it hurts us even more. Communication through harsh words seems to be the order of the day. Rationalized thinking would try putting the love on a pedestal and consider these words as an intrinsic part of the process. However, just like an arrow that has left the bow never returns, words once uttered can never be retracted, leaving the person at the receiving end hurt and how. Offensive words escalate into verbal abuses when couples don’t exercise enough control over their temper. While this may seem temporary and a couple may get back to being normal, it hampers the equation of the relationship. Again, yelling at one’s partner is something which takes an intense toll on the relationship. The partner who loses his/her cool usually apologizes for their unacceptable behaviour. Although a natural tendency, the damage is irreversible. Their partner is expected to take it as a momentary reaction and accept the apologies gracefully. And when a partner continues to be affected by this behaviour, they are like, “do I jump out of the window to prove I don’t do it deliberately?” It’s a paradox to see such a partner showing remorse at the same time appearing nonchalant. It can be very difficult to survive in this kind of a relationship. In situations like these, one needs to start zooming in on many factors that influence both the partners. Each partner needs to understand the depth of each other’s feelings. They need to show extra empathy to each other by putting themselves in each other’s shoes. “Would I like being shouted by my partner or would I be happy hearing some detestable words from my partner?” The best possible way to refrain from getting into these kinds of situations is to think twice before speaking whenever in an argument. Instead of crying over spilled milk, one should be doubly careful about not letting the milk spill in the first place. If you are in a relationship with your partner, you ought to make sure that you respect each other. Intimacy doesn’t grant you the liberty to hurl harsh words or use fowl language against your partner. Words can be sticky. Be a stickler in using them. Relationship and couples therapist. Helps couples and individuals deal with their relationship problems effectively sagarika@thoughtcounsel.com

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