By-Why is there still an expectation that a woman should be "married and settled" by a certain age?I sit in the astrologer's consultation room as he pores over my horo scope. "Being educated does not mean that the man will be of reasonable disposition," he says. The conversation that follows dispels all the notions I have about marriage. I had assumed that along with good education comes a liberal outlook.I was wrong.The profile reads that the boy completed a doctoral degree at MIT and is working for a tech giant in San Francisco . My mother's conversation with his parents is very short: they were looking for a girl who is equally well qualified, holds an H1B visa, works in the same geographical location, and earns a handsome salary. She should be emotionally independent, and not be a 'burden' to the son. How is the proposition viable if a girl has to operate her entire life for a man she barely knows and not even be assured of stable companionship in exchange?In another instance, a 30-year-old claims to draw a salary of Rs. 48 lakh. A quick fact-check shows that the man's management degree was granted by an institute which has lost accreditation. There is no information on a matrimonial profile that one can assume to be true. That the boy is a non-drinker or is of a certain height, are all parameters mentioned to make the profile look polished.There is a joke in South Indian circles: girls are pricey today, and in an unfortunate turn of events, they can take their pick and choose a groom. Post hoc ergo propter hoc (translated: `after this, therefore because of this') might not apply universally, but it holds true here. A marriage implies committing your life to another, and if this is the pool that women get to choose from, they have every right to be wary.I have met some incredible men when in graduate school: men who have encouraged my endeavours, men who have gently corrected my faults, and men who have walked me home after a frustrating day. It is not outside the realm of reasonable expectations that the man I marry should possess the same sense of decency that these men do. Most women are not demanding; expecting integrity, honesty, and a basic sense of security and compassion is a bare minimum, not an extravagance.I have a request to girls and their parents.It's not a crime for a girl to be unmarried at twenty-eight. Society is not going to raise a collective eyebrow when your daughter is striving to be the best at work or in college. She hears the knell only when you pressurize her to get married because according to some obsolete calendar, she has to 'settle down' by a certain age. Marriage might give your daughter a sense of completion; it is not, however, the be all and end all of her existence.If your daughter can stand long operating hours and treat outpatients as a neurosurgeon, or break through corporate politics to make it to the top of an organization, she is also capable of looking after you when you retire.When your parents talk about the risk of not finding a suitable groom if you study in a higher-ranked school or if you choose a particular profession, think back to the time you have invested in your education. A relationship may or may not guarantee you emotional contentment. But a career award or promotion are a direct result of your efforts, a proportional return on investment that you should not let go of, at any cost.

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