BHOPAL: Till phubbing do us part… More and more married couples in Bhopal are coming dangerously close to this precipice -- some slipping over the edge -- as smartphones take over home, heart and happiness.Phubbing is a term coined in 2012 to describe the habit of snubbing someone in favour of a mobile phone . That someone, in many Bhopal homes, is turning out to be the husband.In rather startling statistics, counselors at Mahila Thana told TOI that 60% cases they get each day relate to phubbing, with men complaining that their wives pay more attention to smartphones than them. As many 15% of them end in divorce and 30% turn up as cases in family court, say counselors.“If the wife is busy chatting on the phone and has locks on the phone and social media accounts, the husband gets suspicious. The relation between spouses should be absolutely transparent but if the seed of suspicion is planted in the mind of any of the two partners, the road goes downhill. The matter gets out of hand so fast that around 15% of these cases end in divorce,” said Noorunnisa Khan, principal counselor at family court.And in Bhopal, the problem is getting real and how. Phubbing has turned out to be a major cause for couple seeking to part ways from their partner. “Almost six out of ten cases relate to phubbing. Mostly husbands complain that the wives do not pay them attention and are instead busy with their cell phones through the day,” said Mohib Ahmed, senior counselor at Mahila Thana.“The issue is leading to misunderstandings and suspicion between couples. If either of the two spouses is engaged in cell phones and does not communicate with the partner, problems are bound to arise. This problem is prevalent from the economically backward sections of the society to well-off people,” she said.Giving an insight to the number of cases that come to her, Ahmed said that men complain that their wife is busy with the phone all day and does not fulfill her duties, but they find it irritating if the wife says that same for them. “I have seen cases where the husband starts an affair with some stranger or the wife falls for someone pretending to be a caring person. In both cases, infidelity adds the fuel to the fire. It only happens because couples don’t spend quality time together and find an escape in the virtual world,” added Ahmed.Anuj Satyavrat Dwivedi, psychologist said that it is not only the wives who are at fault but even husbands are equally guilty of ignoring their wives after coming home from work.“Husband tend to think that they have the ‘right’ to hand out with their friends or watch the game or just get busy with their cell phones after a long day of work. What they don’t realize is that while they might have been busy at work, the wife also does all the house-hold chores including cooking, cleaning, managing at home along with taking care of the children and other family members. Household chores is far more consuming than office work because the tasks at home are not designated. Everything needs the attention of the woman of the house. As such, the husband should be considerate enough to spend quality time with the wife after coming back from work. The two can also make it a point to go out together and actually talk without having their noses buried in the smart-phones,” said Dwivedi.Usage of cell phone is not an addiction but just a diversion of attention in the absence of quality time and activities to engage with, said Dwivedi. He insisted upon increasing two-way communication between couples to curb the problem.Aditi Saxena, clinical psychologist stressed upon the importance of family time asking people to talk to the person beside them instead of the one behind the screen.The problem has become paramount with phubbing leading to differences among family members. “Cell phones have replaced almost everything today. One can shop, play games, chat, listen to music and even learn new things on it. It has also been seen that people are more open to strangers on social media instead of their friends or spouse. This is where the problem starts when one starts feeling more comfortable in the company of online friends whom they haven’t even met instead of their life partners. It might lead to extra-marital affairs that might lead to divorces. So, couples need to have quality time and open with each other and not be judgmental. They should make each other feel comfortable and safe,” said Saxena.

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