Vaishali Vijaykumar By Express News Service CHENNAI: Love is in the air. Chemistry is in the raging hormones. Ahead of Valentine’s Day, parents weigh the pros and cons of dating and share relationship advice for their children. They open up to Vaishali Vijaykumar about having healthy discussions at home, adapting to the generation gap, and what to keep in mind while choosing the right partner. Oscar C Nigli, Professor I’m reminded of the film Love Story (1970) and a song from that, Where do I begin? The most basic advice would be to have reasonable expectations. Not every youngster reads Mills and Boon, but the tall, dark and handsome expectations are ingrained in the minds. Secondly, take it slow. Earlier, when we fell in love with someone, we would study them, understand them and talk to their parents. They wouldn’t be called a girlfriend but a fiance. That’s the difference. Companionship, faith, understanding and respect are important for any relationship to sustain. Something as basic as fitness, workouts and the food we eat also determines the kind of vibes you share with a partner. As parents, we can have healthy discussions with our children and guide them but not impose our ideologies on them. That’s not morally right. Suma Harris, director of Sri Saravana Bhava Entertainment Pvt Ltd As a mother of two teenagers, I would want my children to know that love is not just romance...self-love is the most important. When you love yourself, you will take care of your needs first by focusing on what’s best for you — be it excelling in academics or honing life skills. Take this opportunity of Valentine’s Day to love yourself and focus on achieving your goals so that you attract like-minded people, friends and companionship in life. There is a time for everything under the sun and teenage is definitely to prepare yourself for the later part of your life. Rakhi Kapoor, author Dating is exciting, initially. How does one find an ideal partner, keep the romance alive and stay committed for life? Don’t start every relationship with the intention of settling down. Explore and let go if it doesn’t work out. Cherish the memories. Don’t let bitterness seep in. Love yourself first, unconditionally; only then can you love the other. Look for a friend in your partner. Work towards building a strong bond of mutual respect and understanding. Interdependence is key. Have common interests but make sure your partner has individual goals in life. Support each other to grow in life. Expect less. Give more. Love yourself and your life. Learn to appreciate your partner. Put the egos aside. Have fun all along. EXPRESS ILLUSTRATION Sriram Sampathkumar, entrepreneur and business coach India, with its deep-rooted traditions, is not an exception to western influence. Dating, in general, is not a customary practice in traditional India. I am a pluralist as I am a parent of two youngsters — one, a teenager and the other in the early 20s. An author said: “I view dating in a similar light as I view fast-food restaurants — it’s not wrong to eat there, but something far better is available.” My advice to my kids is to ask these three questions to themselves — what motivates you and the other person to date? Am I going to marry him or her? Do I know my boundaries and not carry regrets in the future? Priya Raghavan, freelance content writer Honestly speaking, I have never gone out on a date, but wouldn’t mind my daughter or son going on one! As part of an arranged marriage, my first date was with my hubby-to-be, and looking back now, we were just ourselves, sans hypocrisy and that’s what clicked, I guess! It was a genuine connection. My mother would always say, “Never get into a relationship with a predetermined mindset or a set of unrealistic expectations; instead go with an open mind, so that you absorb things and people around well before you respond or react”. I too would give the same tip to my children. I would want them to understand and distinguish between what they want and what they need in a life partner. For wants like intellect, job, financial status and physical attributes such as height, weight, skin colour, etc can be negotiated, whereas needs like the values, ambitions and goals in one’s life cannot be. So make a wise choice. When they are on the lookout for genuine love, they may have to deal with rejections too. I feel this generation should be more honest, sensitive and empathetic with oodles of positivity in accepting and handling rejections as part of dating. Shoba C, Language trainer The 20s are the best years in a youngster’s life. What better way to enjoy and cherish than by falling in love! That said, I have told my son that there should be both intellectual and emotional compatibility. Neither should you hurt or be hurt nor should one feel inferior to another...mutual respect of thought, action and word is a must. We all learn from our mistakes, and as doting, loving and supportive parents, my husband and I feel we should respect our son’s choice and ensure he has a contented life. Sangeetha Makesh, Psychologist My 20-year-old son wants to pursue a career in sports. I tell him if he gets someone who understands his nature of work and nuances, then life would be enjoyable as it is a new avenue and will have its own set of requirements like excessive travel, financial instability, etc. Emotional compatibility is important while choosing a partner. Break-ups happen when it’s one-sided. The ability to respect each other’s self-respect and the tendency to celebrate differences is a must in healthy, intimate relationships. So, I also tell him that unless he is ready with these, he is not psychologically ready to look for a partner. Assertiveness is an important communication skill and resilience is an important personality trait to possess and look for in a partner to live a beautiful life.

Stay updated with all the Chennai Latest News headlines here. For more exclusive & live news updates from all around India, stay connected with NYOOOZ.