Yes, we are single, but not unhappy!

  • | Saturday | 11th February, 2017

Being single I'm able to do what I want at my time, at my will and wish without someone checking on me all the time. Say single and many immediately assume the person to be depressed and desperate for a mate, tagging them with words like spinster and chronic bachelor. I don't want to end up like that.Actually when people ask me why I'm single I have no answer. Being single is a natural state to be in, as compared to married life, in my view. On World Single's Day today, we raise a toast to all those who are single and living it up!It wasn't a conscious decision to stay single, I was just busy with my work and couldn't take time out for marriage.

Say single and many immediately assume the person to be depressed and desperate for a mate, tagging them with words like spinster and chronic bachelor. Relatives sympathise with them while friends try to hook them up with someone.But these single men and women are proof to the fact that being single can be a very happy and contented state to be in. They couldn't have chosen another way of life, they say. On World Single's Day today, we raise a toast to all those who are single and living it up!It wasn't a conscious decision to stay single, I was just busy with my work and couldn't take time out for marriage. Singlehood and marriage both has its pros and cons. Being single I'm able to do what I want at my time, at my will and wish without someone checking on me all the time. I enjoy the freedom of being single. I can talk to all the guys I want to. I go to the beach alone on my bike, I drive alone at times and I sit in coffee shops alone after my shopping. I like to shop alone too. I get asked all the time when I'm getting married. But I don't give it too much thought, I'm open to a relationship but it would all depend on whether the guy is an understanding one or not. As of now I'm free and I don't feel like I'm missing out on something. I'm not desperate at all. When you are desperate you tend to pick up any guy or girl along your path.People are always judging someone on the basis of whether they are single or married. If you are married, your life is complete, society feels. But my advice to single people would be to enjoy what you are right now. Concentrate on what you want to do, travel alone, or whatever instead of cribbing you don't have a gf/bf. When things have to happen, it will.Being a fashion choreographer I'm always surrounded by girls, as part of my job. Imagine how constantly worried I would be if I was married and around girls. So in my career being single is the best way to be, in my personal view. Also, my life is such that I pack my things and move to the next place when I want. I don't have to carry any extra baggage with me, just my small bag. Till now I've never felt the lack of a companion. I'm always happy and never ever have I wished I was married. I have a good circle of friends — both girls and guys — to whom I'm attached to even more than family. We are thick friends and they are there for me.Actually when my married friends see how I'm enjoying my life they say they want to join my company. I would advise people to stay single. People say you need someone to take care of you when you are old but there are quite a few posh old age homes these days. You just need to have money. And I've seen with my eyes people not taking care of their parents, becoming a burden for them. I don't want to end up like that.Actually when people ask me why I'm single I have no answer. I just went with the flow, I guess. Maybe about 10-15 years back I had these Mills and Boon kind of notions about love and marriage but now I realise that it was more due to societal conditioning than my own wish. I was made this way, to be free-spirited, but free-spirited doesn't mean I am irresponsible and goes frolicking around, I have been a responsible daughter and citizen. But as a single person, I lead a full life. Being single is a natural state to be in, as compared to married life, in my view. I love my freedom, my space and getting to spend all my leisure time on myself. I like the fact that I don't have to play too many roles, already I have many roles as a daughter, a dancer and actor. It's not that I was so hung up on my profession that I had no time to get married. I'm no workaholic and unwind for a week doing nothing after a week of work. I still consider dance as my hobby still, which turned out to be sustenance. The flip side of it all is that many a time I find myself the odd one out in family gatherings, the topic of conversations are often kids and household things which are not my domain. But I'm open to everything, if a companion comes along who will give me my space I would go for it!Singlehood just happened to me. I have had a few long-term relationships, but I don't believe in the institution of marriage. If I am going to have a life partner, it needn't necessarily be a sexual partner or for reasons of reproduction, which I feel is why most people get married. I may be right or wrong there. But if I were to bring someone into my life, it would be as a spiritual partner and it wouldn't have to be quantified by marriage. For me singlehood has been a choice which has suited my lifestyle as a yoga teacher. As a single person there's so much you can do. I have had quite a few adventures that I may not have had in a sheltered environment. I also believe in giving back to the community and with a partner that's not possible, unless he is of the same wavelength. And in the circle of people I know, it's rare to come across someone like that.I think it's a specialty of our country where people set certain age bars for marriage and having children. Kerala is even more conservative about it. In the US where I used to live before, they didn't have those bars. A lot of people are concerned about my singlehood but the only people who matter to me are my parents. As long as my parents know that I'm happy and safe and making the right choices, they support all the crazy decisions I make. Their support is my strength; if parents were different it would have been a struggle.

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