Unlike in the west where people marry and divorce multiple times, the statistics here are much better. Divorce rates have gone up but all in all, it is still believed marriages are for keeps. Despite several social changes, marriage is still considered a sacrosanct institute. Women have started voicing their opinions, thoughts and feelings, unlike before. Also, divorce no longer happens to be a taboo and societal outlook towards it has thawed. More avenues with accessibility to find new partners without a scramble is possible now. There's a difference between venting and whining. There are people who seem to complain endlessly while in their marriage or committed in their relationship. Influenced by several external stimuli, these are the people who belong to the technology-driven era of today. Anything read, seen or heard on the social media or the internet triggers their cantankerous nature. Whatever they view results in what they imbibe – regardless of whether it is worthy of it or not. Unreasonable expectations stem from an overdose of the social media. Comparisons rise at pandemic rates. Resultant disappointments play havoc with the minds and eventually take a toll on the mental health. "There is no spark in our marriage", "he/she doesn't stimulate me like before", "our physical intimacy has taken a beating" or "my friend/colleague understands me more than my spouse" is some common outbursts. Such people refuse to accept reality. No marriage is a perfect mix after a certain stage. But with time, what it offers is streets ahead of what's gone by. It's very easy to complain but, it's not very difficult to understand and analyse either. Trying to emulate romantic couples on social media is a hogwash. Instead of focussing on what's lacking, concentrating on what it offers can increase the net worth of any relationship. Any marriage ultimately becomes a comfort zone – a zone taken for granted by most. Only when it is endangered, does one realize the value of it? Every marriage is about getting used to one's spouse. Certain habits become a ritual. Nonverbal communication marks the tone - nothing is said yet done or understood. There comes a time when a spouse understands you or rather puts up with you much more than your parents or siblings. You may grumble about your marriage, but it is your happy space. Let it reflect on your face… Relationship and couples therapist. Helps couples and individuals deal with their relationship problems effectively sagarika@thoughtcounsel.com

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